The Honorable Reverend Mr. Hsen Ling

Tis strange to be sitting in an airport departure lounge playing with my worry beads! Not that I’m worried but the Rev, Hsen Ling gave them to me and I am not sure what else to do with them except worry!

I received this unusual gift on the plane from Kaohsiung to Taipei. I was sitting in Row 1, a fortunate upgrade and contemplating a cat nap for the fifty minute flight when this large figure plonked him-self with a puff and a groan into the seat next to me! I cracked the left eye open to see what had landed only to be given an eyeful of a Buddhist Monk in full garb and enough worry beads on his persona to keep every passenger on the plane busy for the duration of the flight. I quickly shut my eye to fully seal my privacy space, hoping within hope that he was not about to initiate a conversation or pray with a humming noise!

I must say that as Buddhist Monks go he did not dredge up his ancestors too frequently and refrained from singing some prayer like a muffled and out of tune piano with a few strings missing! He did though proceed to irritate the nostrils of all passengers in first class by rubbing what must have been a whole tub of tee tree oil into his bald scalp and then to massage his head wildly for most of the flight. Surprisingly he gave no reaction to the sudden onslaught of sneezing from myself and others around me and continued with his needing and head hitting without falter!

As we were landing and just after I had cracked the right eye open to see if he had actually stopped bathing in oil I felt this tap on my arm. I opened both eyes and looked at the place of contact to see my monk grinning at me and animatedly talking away in Chinese! I am thankful that I don’t speak Chinese and that he seemed to have a limited grasp of the English language so after a few haltering statements of “eh” and “sorry, what was that”, he decided to present me with a bracelet of large and imposing wooden beads direct from his tee tree covered wrist (the oil had dripped down his hands to cover most of his arms and the bracelets that decorated them).

I remember not so long ago an incident that occurred in Singapore. I was walking from Bugis MRT station to my hotel when this slovenly Buddhist monk approached me. He had one of those golden egg-shaped coins that represent good-fortune and attempted to give one to me. At the time I thought he was a silent monk as apart from thrusting said object at me he spoke no words and I refused his gift politely, not really sure what he was after, and continued at a fast pace to my intended destination. He though took my refusal as an insult and proceeded to dog my footsteps to my hotel whilst shouting some rather indecent insults at me (ones that I won’t repeat as I did not understand half of them anyway). This episode made little impression on me at the time, another madman in a world full of them, but sitting on a plane full of passengers I did not feel ready for another tirade of abuse by a first class monk should I refuse these kindly offered worry beads.

When he handed them to me I did not know whether the slip them onto my wrist, sit there and worry with them or just hold them until our paths separated. I decided to wear them with the immediate removal once he was safely out of sight! I am though still wearing them one hour later, I saw him in the duty free shop, then later in the toilets so either he is checking up on me or the airport has grown smaller since last time I was here. I’m not paranoid you know! I just don’t want to worry unnecessarily even if I have the equipment to help to reduce that worry to hand! Once on the next plane I will leave them in the seat pocket; maybe somebody else will find them and have more use than I for a trinket that is not only ugly but impractical to wear due to its size.

I hope that none of the massive collection of shampoo and conditioner bottles, toothbrushes and shoe-shine kits that he had in his hand luggage (obviously removed from some hotel in downtown Kaohsiung), nor the metal knife and fork that he appropriated from the breakfast tray on the plane cause him any worry at the next check-in. I sincerely hope the Reverend, Mr. Hsen Ling has a good next flight and that he has enough worry beads and tee tree oil to last him all the way!

And as I nervously play with my newly aquired worry beads I pray that he isn’t on the next flight to Singapore as well!